Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
