All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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