wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
