So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
