Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
