I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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