dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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