I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
