The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
