I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
