this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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