He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
