Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
