i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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