Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
