I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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