I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
