remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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