he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
