Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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