I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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