Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
