I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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