i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
