so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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