haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
