I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
