that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
