Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
