cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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