I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
