Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
