Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
