bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
