I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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