You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
