After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
