why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
