The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
