if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
