take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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