Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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