Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
