I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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