No awkward lesbian experiences without me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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