Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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