I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
