That's when you crack a 10am beer
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
