the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
