i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
