Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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