U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
