Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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