You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
