When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
