just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just invented taco cereal.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
