Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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