I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
